One of the things that I have found on my weight loss journey is that when you start losing weight and people see the results they always ask “what are you doing?” They hope that there is some quick fix, something that you can tell them that they can do to quickly to achieve their goals. Beautiful people, there is no quick fix. If you want something you have to be willing to do what you need to do to get the results that you desire.
Last year, I started a new job while I was on a fast for lent. I lost about 50 pounds in the first 8 months of 2010 because I was so active and my calorie count was lower than what it had been. But as I excelled at work, I moved into jobs that were less and less physical. Though I tried to be vigilant about what I was eating, once lent was over, I did not eat as responsibly as I had been and by March of 2011 I had gained back 30 pounds. Clothes that I could wear at Thanksgiving I could not fit at all by February. It was kind of sad. It made me slightly depressed to be honest, because for the first time in a long time I had gotten down to a size that I was happy being, and just that quickly my success was gone. Then, in May, I went out of town and a friend, in a very roundabout way, called me fat. And it didn’t really bother me, like in the way where I was offended, like you would think. I don’t remember exactly what words were used but what it made me think at that time was this: Is that the presentation that I am giving to the world? That I am just some fat girl? Wow….. It changed how I looked at myself and it changed how I wanted to present myself to the people who look at me.
From that moment on everything about me changed. Some things immediately, other things changed through process, but those changes have monumentally changed my life. How I dressed, no matter where I was going, became important to me. I needed to present the most beautiful representation of myself any time I was out. I became more mindful of what I was eating, how I was eating it, and when I was eating. I thought more about myself because I was thinking about myself more. And through those little changes, I have lost 33 pounds since May of 2011. I exercised off and on but now I am committing to exercising regularly. I want to be the best me that I can be. Not because someone called me fat but because I am so much more than I what I allowed anyone to see. When we hide behind food additions, or drug addictions or meanness or any other barrier we put up, we cloak our real selves from the world. And that is sometimes intentional, because we don’t want to be hurt or judged or used or some other way violated. I needed to be strong on my own. I needed to not hide behind food and weight and acting like I didn’t care. I could not encourage any of you to be your best selves if I was not doing that for my own self. And that realization, that moment of becoming aware that I was not presenting my best me to the world, changed how I chose to live my life. I am in hopes of getting back down to fit size 16, of losing another 50 pounds and of maintaining a healthy eating lifestyle for the rest of my life. It is not a quick fix; it is learning to eat slower, choose better foods, and monitor my caloric intake. It is becoming disciplined and exercising every day whether I feel like it or not. It is getting on the scale every week and recording my weight. And it is being real with myself and having something sweet or indulgent when I want it, though, doing so in moderation.
This has been a year of great change for me. And I am just beginning my journey. To you I say, take it one meaningful step at a time. Because if you don’t mean it, you won’t commit to the change.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012 at 10:20AM